We covered fourteen hot trends for 2014, all of which I believe to be wearable for the vast majority of people. Granted some complexions can look positively ill in certain shades of orange, petite women can get lost in tea length skirts, and if you overdo florals and embellishments there is good chance you’ll end up looking like the lost cast member of The Golden Girls. That being said, theses trends can be worn by most people with little effort.
There are trends out there, however, that are only wearable by a distinct few (ie: supermodels, starlets, and fashion magazine editors). These are trends that might look great in a magazine, but that the general public should avoid like the plague. Here are five of these trendy atrocities in no particular order:
1. Crop Tops – Hi… Do you have more than 3% body fat? Are you over the age of 14? If you answered yes to either of these questions, don’t wear a freaking crop top! I don’t care that all the magazines say that anyone can wear them and….wait for it… wait for it…. they are wearable all year long (clearly the lovely people of People StyleWatch never been to Rochester in the winter.) Aint nobdoy got time for frost bite on their muffin top. Lawd Jesus. (You can blame Stacey Rowe for the Sweet Brown references.) In all seriousness, they have no place on a grown woman, (except perhaps the beach) and should never, under any circumstances, be worn in the winter. No. No. And No.
2. Skinny Overalls – Ok – so it’s just a bad idea. Use the same criteria for looking good in a crop top and apply it to skinny overalls. You’re going to look like a mo-mo. And while we’re on the subject – short overalls are terrible too.
3. Blue Eyeshadow – People StyleWatch swears that “a pop of aqua or cobalt is of-the-moment” and suggests that you “try it as a shadow or liner.” – I say go for it, if you want to look like the secretary on Drew Carey.
4. Knee High Gladiator Sandals – Will you be fighting to your death in the Colosseum any time soon? No? Then leave these relics where they belong: ancient history. They are awkward, uncomfortable, and just think of the tan lines they’ll leave behind! Not cute.
5. Menswear – It looks so edgy and sophisticated walking down the runway in Milan, but you’re just going to end up looking like a man. If that’s what you’re going for, great. If not, lets just skip this one, ok? Great.
What about you? What current trend has you flinging your head back in utter desperation, fists raging at the sky as you ask over and over again: WHY GOD, WHHHYYYYYYY?